One of those Saturnian days

A trace of snow and fierce winds made today seem like February. Sometimes life seems very hard and crazy winds blowing sand and ice only make it worse. I spent the morning trying to track down an accounting problem in the Navajo City Roadhouse books. The problem grew and shrunk as I tried to change credits to debits. It was something odd about the Cash On Hand account and the changes in the daily balances.

I finally forced myself to go out into the wind to feed the horses lunch. I watched the hay blow out from under the nose of Jemez Dancing and scatter across the yard. The new mustang, Cisco, wanted me to stand close to him at the feeder since the flying objects like bits of tape from the tarp made him nervous. After five minutes I went and found him another equine to stand with him in my place. It was Chester who was also agitated by the atmosphere. Cisco jumped and Chester stomped, mule foot landing right on my toes. I started crying, but my sock wasn't getting wet with blood, so I knew I would be okay. My tears were for how hard life seemed under all that negative energy of sand and ice and accounting problems.

What makes life infinitely harder, though, is when people project negativity into my attempt to cope with my world through humor. That is my major defense mechanism - I think of it is making something light that otherwise would be heavy, turning things on their heads by playing with them. I mean no one harm and if I complain about something, well, can't I let off a little steam? Or is it really important to live your life in such a way that you never offend anyone? No, that never worked for me, even when I set out as my sole and primary goal to not offend, I discovered that simply having that goal was enough to piss some people off. You can't really authentically chronicle your life in a blog if you need to whitewash your feelings. Sorry if I offended anyone, but I didn't mean to.

Saturn rules ice, sand, accounting, and repression of humor. Nice planet, isn't it? You can bet it isn't ticklish.

Yrs,
JRW